A married man goes to confessional and says to the priest, "Father, I had an affair with a woman... almost."
"What do you mean almost?" question the priest.
"Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped."
"Rubbing together is the same as putting it in," explains the priest. "You're not to go near that woman again. Now, say five Hail Mary's and put in the poor box."
The man leaves confessional, says his prayers, and then walks over to the poor box. He pauses for a moment and then decides to leave.
The priest quickly runs over to the man and exclaims, "I saw that... you didn't put any money in the poor box!"
"Well Father, I rubbed up against it and, like you said, it's the same as putting it in!"