How Dogs and Men Are Alike

1. Both take up too much space on the bed.
2. Both have irrational fears about the vacuum cleaner.
3. Both are threatened by their own kind.
4. Neither understands what you see in cats.
5. Both want dominance.
6. Both do dishes by licking them clean.
7. Both chase cars.
8. The larger ones tend to drool.
9. The smaller ones tend to be more nervous.

How Dogs are Better Than Men

1. Dogs don't have problems expressing affection in public.
2. Dogs miss you when you are gone.
3. You can train a Dog.
4. Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out.
5. Dogs understand what "NO" means.
6. Dogs mean it when they kiss you.
7. When dogs play "fetch," they don't laugh at how you throw.
8. Dogs are color blind.
9. Dogs understand if some of their friends aren't allowed to come inside.

How Dogs are Better Than Women

1. Dogs like beer
2. Dogs don't hate their bodies.
3. Dogs don't criticize.
4. Dogs never expect gifts.
5. Dogs don't want to know about every other dog you've ever had.
6. Dogs don't let a magazine article guide their lives.
7. You never have to wait for a dog--they are ready to go 24 hours a day.
8. Dogs don't cry.
9. Dogs love it when your friends come over.
10. A dog's time in the bathroom is confined to a quick drink.
11. Dogs don't expect you to call when you are running late -- the later you are, the more excited they are to see you.
12. Dogs enjoy heavy petting in public.
13. Dogs find you amusing when you are drunk.
14. Dogs don't mind if you give their offspring away.
15. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dogs name.
16. If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don't hate it.
17. A dog's parents never visit.