The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish [Euro for short].
In the first year, 's' will be used instead of the soft 'c'. Sertainly, sivil servants will reseive this news with joy. Also, the hard 'c' will be replased with 'k'. Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome 'ph' will be replased by 'f'. This will make words like 'fotograf' 20 persent shorter.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which ahve always ben a deternent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent 'e' in the languaj is disgrasful, and they would go.
By the forth uer, peopl wil be receptiv to steps such as replasing the 'th' by 'z' and the 'w' by 'v'. During the fifz uer, ze unesesary 'o' kan be dropd from vords kontaining 'ou', and similar changes nud of kors be splid to ozeer kombinations of leters.
After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli senisbl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor tubls or difikultis and avrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.
