Goodgame Empire

If you look like your passport photo, you're too ill to travel. -Will Kommen

I once shook hands with Pat Boone and my whole right side sobered up. -Dean Martin

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on. -Roseanne Barr

The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served us nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found. -Calvin Trillin

My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping. -Rita Rudner

My husband wanted one of those big-screen TV's for his birthday. So I just moved his chair closer to the one we have already. -Wendy Liebman

I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes - and six months later you have to start all over again. -Joan Rivers

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle. -Henny Youngman

Inside me there's a thin person struggling to get out, but I can usually sedate him with four or five cupcakes. -Bob Thaves

He that falls in love with himself will have no rivals. -Ben Franklin

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her. -Rodney Dangerfield

My doctor is wonderful. Once, when I couldn't afford an operation, he touched up the x-rays. -Joey Bishop
$x) { if($CURRENT_IMAGE == $img_listing[$x]) { if($x == 0) { //echo "found condition"; $lastimage = count($img_listing) - 1; $PREV_IMG = $img_listing[$lastimage]; $PREV_STUB= $stubs[$lastimage]; $NEXT_IMG = $img_listing[$x + 1]; $NEXT_STUB= $stubs[$x + 1]; } elseif(count($img_listing) - 1 == $x) { //echo "found condition"; $PREV_IMG = $img_listing[$x - 1]; $PREV_STUB= $stubs[$x - 1]; $NEXT_IMG = $img_listing[0]; $NEXT_STUB= $stubs[0]; } else { //echo "found condition"; $NEXT_IMG = $img_listing[$x + 1]; $NEXT_STUB= $stubs[$x + 1]; $PREV_IMG = $img_listing[$x - 1]; $PREV_STUB= $stubs[$x - 1]; } } $x++; } $total_jokes = count($stubs) - 1; $rand_joke = rand(0, $total_jokes); echo '

<-- PREVIOUS JOKE'; echo '   ' . 'RANDOM JOKE   '; echo 'NEXT JOKE -->'; ?>