1. A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.
2. What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway).
3. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
4. A backwards poet writes inverse.
5. In democracy, it's your vote that counts. In feudalism, it's your Count that votes.
6. She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.
7. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
8. If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
9. With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
10. Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft, and I'll show you A-flat minor.
11. When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
12. The man, who fell into an upholstery machine, is fully recovered.
13. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
14. You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
15. Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.
16. He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
17. Every calendar's days are numbered.
18. A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine.
19. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
20. He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
21. A plateau is a high form of flattery.
22. The short fortune-teller, who escaped from prison, was a small medium at large.
23. Those, who get too big for their britches, will be exposed in the end.
24. Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
25. Those, who jump off a Paris bridge, are in Seine.
26. When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
27. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
28. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
29. Acupuncture is a jab well done.
30. Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.