Goodgame Empire

Rebuttal To Santa Works Hard, But He's Not Real "Facts"

Come on, ya gotta believe! I mean, if you can handle flying furry animals,
then it's only a small step to the rest.

For example;
1) As admitted, it is possible that a flying reindeer can be found. I would
agree that it would be quite an unusual find, but they might exist.

2) You've relied on cascading assumptions. For example, you have assumed a
uniform distribution of children across homes. Toronto/Yorkville, or
Toronto/Cabbagetown, or other yuppie neighborhoods, have probably less than
the average (and don't forget the DINK and SINK homes (Double Income No Kids,
Single Income No Kids)), while the families with 748 starving children that
they keep showing on Vision TV while trying to pick my pocket would skew that
15% of homes down a few percent.

3) You've also assumed that each home that has kids would have at least one
good kid. What if anti-selection applies, and homes with good kids tend to
have more than their share of good kids, and other homes have nothing except
terrorists in diapers? Let's drop that number of homes down a few more

4) Santa would have to Fedex a number of packages ahead of time, since he
would not be able to fly into Air Force Bases, or into tower-controlled
areas near airports. He's get shot at over certain sections of the Middle
East, and the no-fly zones in Iraq, so he'd probably use DHL there.
Subtract some more homes.

5) I just barely passed Physics and only read Stephen Hawking's book once, but
I recall that there is some Einsteinian Theory that says time does strange
things as you move faster. In fact, when you go faster than the speed of
light time runs backward, if you do a straight line projection, connect the
dots and just ignore any singularity you might find right at the speed of
light. And don't say you can't go faster than the speed of light because
I've seen it done on TV. Jean-Luc doesn't have reindeer but he does have
matter-antimatter warp engines and a holodeck and that's good enough for me.

So Santa could go faster than light, visit all the good children which are
not uniformly distributed by either concentration in each home or by number
of children per household, and get home before he left so he can digest all
those stale cookies and warm milk yech.

6) Aha, you say, Jean-Luc has matter-antimatter warp engines, Santa only has
reindeer, where does he get the power to move that fast! You calculated the
answer! The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of
energy. Per second. Each. This is an ample supply of energy for the
maneuvering, acceleration, etc, that would be required of the loaded sleigh.
The reindeer don't evaporate or incinerate because of this energy, they
accelerate. What do you think they have antlers for, fighting over females?
Think of antlers as furry solar array panels.

7. If that's not enough, watch the news on the 24th at 11 o'clock. NORAD (which
may be one of the few government agencies with more than 3 initials in it's
name and therefore it must be more trustworthy than the rest) tracks Santa
every year and I've seen the radar shots of him approaching my house from
the direction of the North Pole. They haven't bomarck'd him yet, so they
must believe too, right?